shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
