Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I deserve this hangover.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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