mondays should just be called national damage control day
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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