I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
