all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
