I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
