You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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