the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I forgot how hot balto sounded
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
