Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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