were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
