Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
