I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
