This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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