She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize