i would punch a child for taco bell
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He better not be in your backpack
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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