is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
