I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
