Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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