Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
