Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize