I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
