I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
