My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
