I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
