the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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