I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
