I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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