It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
