wrigley field is MILF paradise
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
