so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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