I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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