I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
