He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
