gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
