i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
