the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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