So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
