What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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