So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My ass is underappreciated
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
