if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
