my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
