You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
