You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
