Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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