Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Randomize