Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
