Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
