i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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