Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
