omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
