The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
