Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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