I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
