Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
