2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Panties = found
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize