Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
