Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
did i just pee glitter
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
