i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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