once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize