One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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