so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize