Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
