walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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