I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
