What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
