I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
