I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
