I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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