yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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