I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
