His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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