Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
