i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
