Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize