I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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