Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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