Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
