i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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