I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
