Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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