I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
