I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
