I skipped work to stalk him.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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