he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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