I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We need to rekindle our bromance
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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