ya dads aren't the best wingmen
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
