I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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