Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
