You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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