I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
