just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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