Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
