when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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