She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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