I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
