shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
