dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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