ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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