Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
