We're like a lot better than the average bears
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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