actually, I'm a sock model
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
